he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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