this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
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We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
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Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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