you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
