did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
