hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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