saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
