dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
