I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
