Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
