the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
