life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
