You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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