did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
