I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
