I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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