Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
