Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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