dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
