Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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