please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
