I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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