I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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