just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
