i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
