Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
