I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
