I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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