so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
