the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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