he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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