Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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