Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Blood and glitter go together right?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
