Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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