Umm I'm too high to move.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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