He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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