mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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