The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
