Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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