I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
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you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
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He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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