We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
