I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
