Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I am one with the molecules
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
