i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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