I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
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Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
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Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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