yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
