ugly people sure do ruin things
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
