We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
