This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
