I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
