She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
