you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
