I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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