the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
