and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think people are normalizing furries
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
