the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
