hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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