Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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