I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
well you can't waste a boner
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
