Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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