I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
