you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
