some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
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i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
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He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.