Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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