You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick