it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry