Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
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Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
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I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places