You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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