Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
