all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
