Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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