apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
