Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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